Gratitude for a Life Well Lived: Remembering Sean Murphy

I have heard that most people who sit through a meeting typically retain about 20 to 25 percent of the information - sorry, Mr. Moore; actually, I think I learned that statistic from Mr. Moore. But something that Sean Murphy once said at a Middle School meeting has always stuck with me. Essentially Sean said, “We’re trying to do something a little different here.” What he meant, as I recall, was that at St. Andrew’s we aren’t consumed or hyper-focused on SAT scores and GPAs, but that we invest in and believe deeply in fostering kindness and empathy in our students. And we strive for the simple - and complex - concept of a well-rounded student and graduate. Sean urged us to think of ourselves in this capacity.

When I attended the October 19th memorial service honoring Sean, I was comforted to hear others remember him in a similar way. In her homily, Ashley Brandon spoke of Sean’s “unwavering authenticity.” Kendall Evans praised him for continually prioritizing our students. And Kama Bruce celebrated Sean as a mentor who encouraged him and everyone around him to make the right choices. 

During the gathering at the Upper School chapel I sat next to National Book Award winner Tim O’Brien who, afterwards, praised Sean as a friend who was “down-to-earth,” “so smart,” and “willing to change his mind.” 

For example, several ago St. Andrew’s athletics experimented with “cuts” on sports teams. Eventually, Tim recalled, Sean did change his mind on the approach and seemed to conclude that cutting athletes and limiting teams to only the very best athletes just didn’t seem to coincide with our school’s mission and identity. We gave up on cuts and our sports teams returned to including anyone who wanted to play. 

Many people remembered Sean’s love of poetry and how they had connected with him through a love of verse. This was also one of my favorite memories of Sean. Darrel Mayers recalled how Sean thoroughly enjoyed a visit to campus by well-known poet Naomi Shihab Nye.

When Sean discovered that I had graduated from Kenyon College with an English degree, he wanted to talk about some of my alma mater’s famous poet graduates. Specifically he wanted to talk about James Wright, who had won a Pulitzer for poetry in 1972. H.G. Bissinger uses Wright’s poem about high school football at the beginning of Friday Night Lights. Sean and I spoke about that poem (“Autumn Begins in Martins Ferry, Ohio”) and other Wright works.

But the one we both really enjoyed was “Lying in a Hammock at William Duffy’s Farm in Pine Island, Minnesota,” which may have reminded Sean of leisurely days and peaceful evenings spent with his family at their lakeside cabin in Cable, Wisconsin. This treasure of a poem meanders along peacefully, describing a scene that its title implies. But, as James Wright liked to do, he closes the poem with a bit of a punch in the gut: 

I lean back as the evening darkens and comes on.
A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home.
I have wasted my life. 

As I sat at the memorial service I thought about this poem and Sean. 

Thank you, Sean, for giving me a job at St. Andrew’s, the best place I’ve ever worked at and a fantastic and wonderfully transformative place for my children. Thank you for your service and impact which will continue to reverberate here and elsewhere. Lean back and relax in your hammock. Thank you for a life well lived. 

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